Today I reflected on something that my grandmother told me after my first break-up in high school. She told me that nobody should be in a relationship until they can stand on their own two feet. At the time, I was quite distraught and really did not understand the significance of her piece of advice. A little time passed, and now the meaning is a little clearer.
Being able to stand on your own two feet can be taken to mean that you should be able to be independent– independent emotionally, intellectually and physically. It is imperative that one is able to be responsible for self. Happiness is one of such responsibilities. It is a personal responsibility to be able to identify what makes you happy without relying on the opinions of others (understandably, to a reasonable extent). If you are unhappy, it is also your responsibility to uncover why that is. It may be necessary to seek professional counseling. In my experience, this has proven to be quite effective. If you are unable to be happy single, you WILL be unable to be sustainably happy in a relationship.
Why did I say sustainably happy? For good reason. I have encountered many individuals who are unhappy being single. They pursue love, believing that upon having acquired love, they will be perfectly happy. Once these individuals find a “suitable” significant other, they do feel happy. In fact, they feel insanely happy. Nothing in the world can compare to it. Realistically, they are often in idealistic relationships. They place their happiness on the shoulders of their significant other; that person is their world, and they believe they are soul mates. The idealistic part of the relationship is that these people who depend on their significant other for their own happiness view them as nearly perfect. They are able to rationalize many character faults apparent to others outside the relationship. In time, they will start to become disillusioned with their “perfect” soul mate. As some of their expectations of their partner are unfulfilled, they start to see them as less perfect. Perhaps a boyfriend simply forgot a date. His girlfriend may be dependent on him for her happiness and subconsciously believe that he no longer has feelings for her, or maybe even that he is going to break up with her. She doesn’t truly believe he forgot, and she may take it as a personal offense. Her happiness in the relationship will decline. A dramatic example? Yes. However, the truth in the story is that many who believe they cannot be happy single cannot be happy in relationships. They are not truly independent.
If this is you, there is hope. I’ve been in those shoes before and have made it out alive!
